What I Grew Up Believing About Relationships
I want to talk to you about something that’s been on my heart.
For a long time, I didn’t understand what healthy relationships looked like. Growing up, I saw chaos—romantic partners, family members, and even close friends hurting each other, betraying each other, and then pretending it never happened. It was confusing. People would break each other’s hearts and then reconnect like nothing had occurred.
How That Shaped Me
Instead of questioning the relationship, I started questioning myself. I didn’t know what boundaries were supposed to look like—or what my boundaries even were. What was okay? What wasn’t? What made me feel safe, seen, and valued in a connection?
I stayed too long in relationships—friendships, family-ships, all of it—because I didn’t recognize the toxic behavior. I didn’t see the manipulation. I didn’t understand that being dismissed over and over wasn’t love. I just thought I had to keep showing up, be loyal, prove I cared.
When It All Started to Shift
At 40, things began to change. Long-time relationships I thought were solid started falling apart. It hurt deeply. I felt like I was losing people I thought would be in my life forever.
Now, at 44, I’m finally learning to see things more clearly. I’ve come to understand that some people are only meant to be in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
And that’s okay.
Understanding the Difference
Some people come to teach us something—those are the reason relationships.
Some walk beside us for just a little while—those are the seasonal ones.
And some? They’re our lifetime people.
This awareness has helped me let go of relationships that no longer align with who I am or where I’m going. It’s helped me set boundaries—not to push people away, but to protect my peace.
Grieving What’s Gone
But can I tell you something?
Even with all this growth, I still grieve. I still miss some of those connections. I still wish things could’ve turned out differently. I still replay moments in my head, wondering if I could’ve done something to save them.
Healing doesn’t erase heartache.
Both can be true.
I’m learning and grieving. I’m growing and letting go.
If You’re In This Space Too…
If you’re navigating this too, please know you’re not alone.
Ask yourself:
• Does this relationship make me feel safe, seen, and valued?
• Am I staying because it’s familiar, or because it’s healthy?
• Am I holding onto something that no longer holds me in love?
You’re allowed to outgrow what once felt like home.
You’re allowed to leave places that taught you to shrink.
And you’re allowed to take your time to mourn what’s no longer there.
Let Yourself Reflect
Some connections come to teach.
Some come to shift us.
And some are meant to stay.
Trust yourself to know the difference—even if it takes time.
Take a moment today and reflect—journal if it feels right. What relationships are you still holding onto that no longer hold you? Where can you begin to make space for what you truly deserve: safety, presence, and love?
You deserve that.
We all do.
Download your free Letting Go Journal Workbook and begin your healing journey today. It includes guided reflection prompts, affirmations, and a powerful letter-writing exercise to help you release what no longer serves you.